Basketball & Manhood

Maybe I am getting old, maybe I have lost a step or two, but why is it that the pickup basketball court today has become the proving ground for manhood. I remember growing up, playing some very heated games of basketball, lots of verbal shots were being fired and maybe a hard screen was thrown now and again. But today and maybe the last few times I have played I have lost a love for the game. Today for example: first time in about a year I have stepped foot in the gym to play with people outside my childhood friends. I got there shot around a bit, made my free throw and ran the first game. First and last. I was on a team with people I know, have played with before, and some I haven't, we lost 8-11. I got the ball once in the flow of the offense, and you know what I did with it? I clanked it off the rim with a difficult shot that I shouldn't have taken but did because that was the one and only time I was going to see the ball on offense. I know basketball, I understand the flow of the game and probably set more screens, make more slashing cuts, and box out more then any pick up player out there. But I am not here to whine about not getting the ball or loosing the game.

This was the disconnect I saw tonight. I don't understand why the guys playing need to use the game to make known how masculine, tough, and dominating they are. Prime example: big guy one goes into the lane for a lay-up, takes a tap to the nose as the defender makes a good play on the ball. Without his Fisher-esk flop the foul wouldn't have been called. But instead of taking it up top he comes right at the guy and pushes him, as if to say "you just threatened my livelihood, called my mom a gerbil, and kicked my kid in the face, now I must break you". Listen I understand competition, the heat of the moment, but really? You got tapped on the nose, sack up hulk, it's just a game! In fact just a game that is being played by other desk jockeys, white collar, blue collar, and unemployed 30+ men. Last time I checked there were no scouts from the Suns or even the Mercury for that matter sitting in the stands, hell the only people sitting in the stands are the losers who couldn't make a free throw to get into the first game.

The court has become the only outlet some of these guys have to show that they are in-fact, men. And that is sad, maybe they are getting shut down at work, or at home, emasculated in some way in the outside world so they need to show the true size of their junk to a group of guys who are otherwise there to have a good time. I know that in that group of guys I played with tonight it's about 50-50. 50% hot heads and 50% guys who want to run up and down a court, dribble a little, take a shot or ten, and go home and ice the ol' bones. I know I used to be over competitive, and under talented in my younger years but I have traded that for a bit of maturity and a true desire to just get some run in and most of all have some fun. I realize now what my father must have been trying to tell me for so many years out there on the court and, I get it now. Manhood doesn't show itself in my stature, in my ability to make others do what I will them to do, not even in how strong I am. It's sad because these 50+% of men represented on that court tonight still need that. They still need to dominate to feel strong, to intimidate to feel powerful and to "score" the most in life to feel appreciated. I guess I see through those lies now, tonight out on the basketball court. I didn't want to hang around for the second game not because i would sit out for 20 or so minutes and my legs would stiffen up, or that the next game would be much like the first where I was a inbounder and screen setter, I just didn't want to test anyones manhood.

Here is a quote that caught my eye from an unlikely source (based on my great disdain for the patriots) :

"Why do I have three Super Bowl rings and still think there's something greater out there for me? I mean, maybe a lot of people would say, 'Hey man, this is what is.' I reached my goal, my dream, my life. Me, I think, 'God, it's got to be more than this.' I mean this isn't, this can't be what it's all cracked up to be." When Kroft asked him, "What's the answer?" Brady responded, "I wish I knew. I wish I knew. I love playing football and I love being quarterback for this team. But at the same time, I think there are a lot of other parts about me that I'm trying to find."
Tom Brady interview with Steve Kroft, 60 Minutes

As much as I don't like Tom Brady he has a point, there is more out there, more then our physical accomplishments, our status in the workplace. Something that my father has exemplified for my brother and I is that true since of Godly manhood; a strong powerful man that can pick up any would be harasser and put him in his place, that is gentle and kind in his authority and leadership. Why do guys, big strong masculine guys, listen to my father? Ironworkers on big jobs yield to his leadership even if he is the "new" guy on the job? Because of a genuine Godly masculinity that doesn't need the bravado and arrogance to speak for him. I think I understood the folly of my youth today, and I strive to be a better man. Like my father is, and like my God wants me to be.