Is this thing on?

Just checking to see if anyone is still following this. I may pick it back up after over 12 years of no posts.

Almost 2 yrs old!

I can't believe that Toby will be 2 next week! Where has the time gone? He is doing SOOO much right now and I feel like each day he learns how to say some new phrase or understands a new concept that just blows me away. He is talking in 3-4 word sentences now and I don't feel like there is a word he can't say! He can count to 10 and do his ABC's with some help. His memory is absolutely amazing and he really only has to see or hear something once or twice and it's locked in! He is full of personality and is such a funny kid! He is also starting to really sing and dance, his favorite song is Baby by Justin Bieber and we have to listen to it about 10 times a day! He is doing much better playing with other kids, sharing, being sweet and getting so excited to spend time with his friends. He loves to pray and shuts his little eyes real tight and it is probably the sweetest thing I have ever seen. Mark and I just can't believe we get to be parents to such an amazing little guy. I love this little man so much and just can't believe how fast he is growing up!

Here are some recent pics and some new expressions.

Easter - Celebrating Jesus and havin fun with the family!

He loves him some music

Here is a video that was shot a few months back but is a classic to show off his sweet moves. enjoy!

Crazy Dancing Boy from Kendra Rohl on Vimeo.

Adventure Days

Something both Mark and I feel very strongly about as parents is cultivating a sense of adventure in our kids. Discovery, creativity, exploration is all a God given desire that yearns to be fulfilled in young and old and we want to provide ways for Toby to have those adventurous experiences from an early age.

Some of the ways that I try to do that as a stay at home mom is through music, dance,

art and the outdoors. A good portion of each day is spent playing and listening to music and Toby truly loves it! His favorite things to play are the drums then guitar then keyboard. He has great musicality and it's so cool to watch him respond and react to different types of music. He is also quite the little dancer! He has this crazy shoulder shrug dance that morphs into all sorts of other moves including booty shakin, break dancing and a hilarious squat and scoot dance. (you will see an assortment of these moves in the videos to be uploaded later today).

Another thing we have been doing a lot of is painting and he really loves it. He will bring me his paint brush, paint set and brushes and ask to please paint. We have started using this pine bench in our backyard as the main canvas for his painting which is a lot of fun and he has also painted on 2 small canvases, one of which hangs proudly in our home and the other was a gift to Vanessa (Toby's birthmom). He doesn't so much use crayons or markers because he just wants to eat them the whole time for some strange reason so we are sticking with paints as the main medium for now.

Thankfully, here in AZ we have a good portion of time where the weather is beautiful so we take full advantage of that and have a lot of outdoor adventures. The pics you see in Flickr are of the more recent explorations where we visited an old cotton gin, the big field across from our house by the airport and a bunch of other farmy/field areas (also scoping out new photo locations in the process). I want Toby to have that thrill of discovery and exploration and it is so much fun to watch him roam around and pick up sticks, through rocks, knock over flowers, etc. I can tell that he loves it and that makes me love it all the more.

Joy in the trial.

I had a very amazing experience today at a job I was doing in Paradise Valley. I was sent to a job to fix some outlets and a fan that wasn't working, nothing crazy just a quick in and out. I went to do the door, rang the bell and knocked but there was no answer. Just as I was about to pull away in the van the lady came out the door in her robe, telling me she was about to get in the shower and she was sorry but asked me to come in and she would get changed. She showed me the issue with the fan in her daughters room and said she would show me the outlets after she got her husband up and dressed in the master bed. She told me her husband has ALS and needs help getting ready before I go into the bed room. I checked out the fan and found the problem quickly, but she was still in the master bedroom getting her husband up and dressed, so I made sure I knew what I needed and waited for her to come out. After she came out she informed me that her son was going to be coming home and he is autistic, just so I know. The husband wheeled out of the bedroom and said thank you for helping them today and asked if I needed anything taking breaths from his respirator between every other word. I told him I was good thank you, and went into the bedroom with his wife, she showed me the issues she was having with the outlets and where they were located. She needed them fixed soon because they were the outlets used for his respirator, feeding tube, and hospital bed. At this point I was beginning to see what an amazing woman she was, raising an autistic son and caring for her ailing husband.

As I was leaving to get material, after her son came home, she informed me that her son likes to give gifts. As I was walking out he handed me a bundle of junk mail and news paper held together with scotch tape, one of the best gifts I have ever received. After getting the material and returning to the house I met the daughter as her, her brother and father were headed out the door. I was fixing the outlet in the master bedroom and the wife walked in, I felt an urge to tell her how beautiful her family was and what an amazing woman she was. The answer I got back was not what I expected but not surprising either. She said the only reason her family is the way it is, the only reason she is the way she is, is because of the Lord.

After fixing the electrical issues in the house I spent the next two hours in the kitchen with the husband, in his chair, and the wife talking about the Lord. They shared their testimony, the difficulties raising an autistic child, dealing with ALS and the most difficult of all was raising a teenage daughter. But the overwhelming foundation to their story was the joy of the Lord. The husband used to be a body builder, very fit and proud of his body, he told me it took the Lord breaking down his body for him to truly see what his purpose was, what his joy was. He told me that he never learned to read, left home at 14 after being abuse by his parents and dropped out of school at 16. He had his wife write meeting notes for him for his employees because he didn't know which words to use. He also told me that after being stuck in a wheel chair he taught himself to read by reading the Bible, he would ask his wife what words meant and how to sound them out. He now knows how to read and understands the Word. Something, he said, he wouldn't have done without ALS. The whole time I was talking with them the son kept coming in and out giving and taking another package from under my arm adding more and more material to my next gift. I unwrapped it when I got home and found more junk mail, news papers, and a box of Old Maid playing cards.

We shared back and forth about life, the gospel, and gave each other encouragement. They helped me to see that the Lord is good, always. The Lord was good to them before ALS, before autism, and before teenage rebellion. The Lord is good when he is near death from feeding tube malfunctions, when he found out the hard way that he couldn't swim anymore, when their son has grand-mal-seizures.

I walked away with this. I went through a "dark night" with our infertility. I have seen others around me deal with hard times. I don't want to diminish what I have gone through, or my close friends and family. But I saw something in them that I want to be able to say, to truly know deep down, no matter what I am facing, God is good. I wanted to hug them, thank them, to help them in some way. I wanted to ask the Lord to heal that man. But I know something now after talking to him, this is his joy, ALS is a part of his life but his focus is the Lord and Him glorified. I am amazed at how the Lord speaks into my life, and who he uses to speak, and I pray that I am used that same way.

So I leave you with this challenge: what struggle, trouble, trial are you facing right now? Again, no qualification or comparison to the things listed above, we all face trials that overwhelm us, whether physical, financial, life or death. What is stealing your joy, your focus? Is God good all the time? Will you yet praise Him through your trial?

Communication is key

Things have changed for us in the last few days in that Tobias seems to be learning new words and signs at a rapid pace and that is a very good thing. He can now pretty much tell us what he wants or doesn't want with a combination of signs and words and it makes things ooohhh so much easier. Instead of just pointing and grunting and getting frustrated we now have little mini convos and it's just fantastic. I can't believe how big he is getting though, long gone are the baby days and we officially have entered into toddler time and that is proving to be a lot of work but so much fun! It's really an incredible feeling to watch your child actually processing, learning and responding to things as you are teaching them and I know this is just the beginning so I'm really looking forward to the coming months. I need to post a couple new videos of him using his new found vocabulary and also his new dance moves, freaking hilarious I tell you!

Christmas, Disneyland and the New Year

I can't believe we are already a few days in to 2011, where has the time gone? We had a wonderful holiday season with a much anticipated visit from Bing & Debbie over Thanksgiving. What a treat it was to get to spend time with them and just be together. Bing & Mark built a side patio for us that is just phenomenal and we are using it every day!

Toby got to take his first trip to Disneyland just before Christmas and it was such a blast! I love the Magic Kingdom for my own reasons but there is something truly magical getting to see it through the eyes of your child for the first time. We thought he may be terrified or overwhelmed by all the characters, rides, sights and sounds but he actually loved it all! We were at the park for a good 13 hours and he was a champ, he is really such an amazing kid and we had a fantastic time together. It was especially nice to have my mom, brother, sister in law and nephew there and we had our own little Christmas celebration with them that was so special. (pics from the trip on Flickr)

Christmas morning for us was pretty laid back. Tobs awoke to a train set around the tree that he was pretty excited about and a few presents to open that captured his interest for a few minutes but as is the case for most toddlers, the packaging and unwrapping of the presents is the most fun. We then headed to my dad's for a late breakfast and more presents and a lovely Christmas dinner. All in all, an absolutely wonderful Christmas but we really did miss all the Rohls!

New Years was spent with our good friends Kyle & Mel and a ton of other people and we had a great time! Toby made it all the way to 11:15 but just couldn't keep his eyes open another minute and crashed out on the couch with dad until midnight when he awoke to a room full of people ringing in the New Year.

As we reflect on 2010 we can say with great assurance that our God is good, giving, gracious and glorious! We have so much to be thankful for and are looking forward to what 2011 will hold!

Tobias and his crazy ways

Wow, time is flying by and we just had an amazing Thanksgiving with Bing & Debbie! Such a blessing having them here and we had the best time just being together. Toby is getting bigger and more amazing every day. Walking, running and getting into all sorts of mischief, he is a fun little man. This is a little video we just shot of his new way of saying "mama". So hilarious!

Tobias says "mama" like a little man from Kendra Rohl on Vimeo.

Tobias is such a goof ball!

This is a little video of Tobias waking up from his nap and me sneaking in to scare him, he thinks it's hilarious :)
In other news, Toby has one other top tooth fully out and 3 others about to poke through. His current favorite thing to do is push his stroller or a shopping cart or any other thing with wheels around and my challenge is to try and direct him so he doesn't run into everything!

Lots of fun these days!

Toby likes to be startled - cracks him up! from Kendra Rohl on Vimeo.

Toby is walking!

Well, it's official, my little baby is not so little anymore and he is walking all over the place! It's amazing to me how just a week ago he could only take a few steps and now he walks all around the house by himself. This is a video I took a couple days ago of him strolling around and he also does his dog sound and his "oh man" as a special bonus. More videos and pictures from our trip to the lake to come!

love you all

Untitled from Kendra Rohl on Vimeo.

Toby's 1 yr old!

Here is a little video from the Tobster's 1st bday party. He didn't really know what to do with the cupcake at first but he managed to get into it and enjoyed it quite a bit. In the video you can also hear him say Mama which of course is one of my favorite new things he is doing :)

Toby turns 1 - my how time flies from Kendra Rohl on Vimeo.

Growing up so fast

Wow, so many new things since I last posted! We went to Oregon to visit our amazing family and had such a wonderful time. I will be posting all the pics from our trip on Flickr so check back for those!

Toby now has 2 teeth on the bottom and is starting to take steps independently which means walking is just around the corner and I will officially be the proud mom of a toddler. Hard to believe he is 1 year old already, time sure does fly! He is very into all things musical which of course we are sooo excited about. He dances when music comes on, his favorite toys are musical instruments and he sings every sunday during worship. the video posted here is of him playing the guitar. It's over a month old but still so fun to see how he really tries to make the strumming sound instead of just slamming on it. I think he shows real promise in his guitar playing!

In other fun news, cousin Caroline has moved in and we love having her here! We have been having such an amazing time with her and the Lord is doing incredible things in her life, it's truly a privilege to be a part of it all. She and Toby have become fast friends and she can really get him cracking up (video of that to come soon).

All in all, things are going amazingly well at the Rohl casa and we feel blessed beyond words and so grateful to the Lord for all that we have in our life right now.

Tobias loves to play the guitar from Kendra Rohl on Vimeo.

Basketball & Manhood

Maybe I am getting old, maybe I have lost a step or two, but why is it that the pickup basketball court today has become the proving ground for manhood. I remember growing up, playing some very heated games of basketball, lots of verbal shots were being fired and maybe a hard screen was thrown now and again. But today and maybe the last few times I have played I have lost a love for the game. Today for example: first time in about a year I have stepped foot in the gym to play with people outside my childhood friends. I got there shot around a bit, made my free throw and ran the first game. First and last. I was on a team with people I know, have played with before, and some I haven't, we lost 8-11. I got the ball once in the flow of the offense, and you know what I did with it? I clanked it off the rim with a difficult shot that I shouldn't have taken but did because that was the one and only time I was going to see the ball on offense. I know basketball, I understand the flow of the game and probably set more screens, make more slashing cuts, and box out more then any pick up player out there. But I am not here to whine about not getting the ball or loosing the game.

This was the disconnect I saw tonight. I don't understand why the guys playing need to use the game to make known how masculine, tough, and dominating they are. Prime example: big guy one goes into the lane for a lay-up, takes a tap to the nose as the defender makes a good play on the ball. Without his Fisher-esk flop the foul wouldn't have been called. But instead of taking it up top he comes right at the guy and pushes him, as if to say "you just threatened my livelihood, called my mom a gerbil, and kicked my kid in the face, now I must break you". Listen I understand competition, the heat of the moment, but really? You got tapped on the nose, sack up hulk, it's just a game! In fact just a game that is being played by other desk jockeys, white collar, blue collar, and unemployed 30+ men. Last time I checked there were no scouts from the Suns or even the Mercury for that matter sitting in the stands, hell the only people sitting in the stands are the losers who couldn't make a free throw to get into the first game.

The court has become the only outlet some of these guys have to show that they are in-fact, men. And that is sad, maybe they are getting shut down at work, or at home, emasculated in some way in the outside world so they need to show the true size of their junk to a group of guys who are otherwise there to have a good time. I know that in that group of guys I played with tonight it's about 50-50. 50% hot heads and 50% guys who want to run up and down a court, dribble a little, take a shot or ten, and go home and ice the ol' bones. I know I used to be over competitive, and under talented in my younger years but I have traded that for a bit of maturity and a true desire to just get some run in and most of all have some fun. I realize now what my father must have been trying to tell me for so many years out there on the court and, I get it now. Manhood doesn't show itself in my stature, in my ability to make others do what I will them to do, not even in how strong I am. It's sad because these 50+% of men represented on that court tonight still need that. They still need to dominate to feel strong, to intimidate to feel powerful and to "score" the most in life to feel appreciated. I guess I see through those lies now, tonight out on the basketball court. I didn't want to hang around for the second game not because i would sit out for 20 or so minutes and my legs would stiffen up, or that the next game would be much like the first where I was a inbounder and screen setter, I just didn't want to test anyones manhood.

Here is a quote that caught my eye from an unlikely source (based on my great disdain for the patriots) :

"Why do I have three Super Bowl rings and still think there's something greater out there for me? I mean, maybe a lot of people would say, 'Hey man, this is what is.' I reached my goal, my dream, my life. Me, I think, 'God, it's got to be more than this.' I mean this isn't, this can't be what it's all cracked up to be." When Kroft asked him, "What's the answer?" Brady responded, "I wish I knew. I wish I knew. I love playing football and I love being quarterback for this team. But at the same time, I think there are a lot of other parts about me that I'm trying to find."
Tom Brady interview with Steve Kroft, 60 Minutes

As much as I don't like Tom Brady he has a point, there is more out there, more then our physical accomplishments, our status in the workplace. Something that my father has exemplified for my brother and I is that true since of Godly manhood; a strong powerful man that can pick up any would be harasser and put him in his place, that is gentle and kind in his authority and leadership. Why do guys, big strong masculine guys, listen to my father? Ironworkers on big jobs yield to his leadership even if he is the "new" guy on the job? Because of a genuine Godly masculinity that doesn't need the bravado and arrogance to speak for him. I think I understood the folly of my youth today, and I strive to be a better man. Like my father is, and like my God wants me to be.

Tobias feeds himself - in a way

Toby is pretty much ready to be done with baby food as far as the kind in the jar goes. He really prefers finger foods that he can feed himself so I'm now trying all sorts of different fruits, veggies and meats to see what he will eat. One way I have found to get him to eat the jar food that he isn't so crazy about is to help him to use the spoon to feed himself. He thinks it's quite hilarious for some reason :)

Tobias loves to feed himself from Kendra Rohl on Vimeo.

Tobias loves to dance!

This little video is of the Tobster doing his booty scoot dance. It's so stinking cute :) In other news, Toby popped out his first tooth! He didn't even show any signs of teething but all of a sudden one day there was a little top of the bottom right tooth poking out. I hope all his teeth come in this easy :)

is anyone reading this blog still by the way or were my posts to infrequent to retain any followers??
love you all
Kendra

Untitled from Kendra Rohl on Vimeo.

Tobias is sleeping through the night!

Hello world, yet again I have gone a month without posting, what is wrong with me? Wait, don't answer that :)
In Toby news, he is sleeping through the night! 10 - 12 hours straight, what a champ! Naptimes are easy too, just lay him down in the crib with his plug and he falls to sleep on his own. I really never thought we would get to this place but here we are, thank you Lord!

No teeth yet but the dr says that is good because the later the teeth come in the healthier so I'm fine with waiting. At his last visit he was in the 50% for weight and 95% for height meaning he is average weight for his age but above average height, Mark is soooo happy, he has big sports dreams Tobs!

Here is a video that was actually taken a few weeks back so of course he looks different now since he seems to change every day :) He had just woken up from a nap and set up the camera to see if I could catch him laughing when I come in to get him.

Tobias up from his nap - he likes to be startled from Kendra Rohl on Vimeo.

love you all!
Kendra

Fun in San Diego

We arrived in San Diego last Sunday and will leave tomorrow so it's been a nice long time in beautiful Cali with my family. Mark's work needed someone to work in San Diego for the week and since we have our family out here, it worked out great! Tobias has been loving his time with cousin Christopher and they are so cute together. He loves playing with their dogs (a huge golden retriever, bulldog and black lab) and my brother really knows how to make him crack up. It's been great to get out of the heat and see the ocean, makes me miss living in the beauty that is Cali but I'm ready to get back into life in Phoenix. Here is a little video of Grandma Sandra and Cousin Christopher making Toby laugh.

Mother's Day - a day of celebration indeed!

This Mother's Day was one filled with so many emotions for me and one that I will remember forever. Waking up to the sound of my son softly cooing in his crib and walking in to see his smiling face and tiny arms reaching up to me is something I love every morning but this day seemed exceptionally special. It still seems surreal that I'm a mama this Mother's Day when so many before this were so painful and empty. I think the years of waiting have made being a mom that much more amazing. I can honestly say that I love every single part of being a mama, the stinky nasty parts, the giggly snugly parts and everything in between, there is not a day that goes by that I don't thank God for the gift of our amazing son Tobias.

During worship today at church the Lord reminded me of a season I was in over a year ago that was very difficult and filled with searching questions and important answers. I remember during the prayer time after a sermon at church about worship and idolatry the Lord asked me a simple but incredibly stinging question "If I never blessed you with a baby, never allowed you to be a mom would you still worship me?" "Would you live your life as a joy set before you in full confidence that My plan for you is the best and if it would bring Me glory for you to be childless, would you live your life for Me with a heart overflowing with joy".

I wish I could say that I answered that question with an immediate and hearty "Yes Lord of course!" but that was not the case. I really had to search my heart and allow the Holy Spirit to reveal my true motivation for love, service and devotion to Jesus. Was I serving Him because I thought it would be in my best interest and that if I worked hard enough or prayed long enough He would give me what I wanted? Was I holding this unanswered prayer of a baby hostage to Him and saying "Lord, I need you to do this in order for me to fully love and serve you, if you don't give me a baby I just don't know where we will stand?" There were times when those questions were in my heart but by God's sufficient grace He finally allowed me to lay my request at His feet and leave it there, in full confidence that no matter what His answer was, He was in control and I would love, serve and follow Him joyfully no matter what. It was a pivotal shift in my view of God's sovereignty and grace and my response in worship and devotion to Him. I'm so grateful for that time of raw, wrestling, angry and difficult conversations with God because through them He was able to show me more of His glory and love than I thought possible.

Thanks be to God that His answer was YES and that shortly after I had let the "need" for a baby go into His hands He put a heart for adoption in Mark and I and within just a few short months we were holding our son. Jesus continues to write His story of redemption, grace and goodness all over our lives and I know that no matter what happens along this journey, He is my Savior, my first love and my all in all.

Thank you Lord for my son, for my husband, for this life of beauty so undeserved!

Toby is crawling!

click on this link to see the video of Toby on his first day of crawling. I need to take another one cause he is so stinkin fast now! Let the childproofing of the house begin!

http://vimeo.com/11516084